Bittersweet.

I don't get very personal on this blog as often as I would like. Something about sharing intimate details about my life for anyone and everyone to read still makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but I'm working on opening up a little more.

This whole blogging thing isn't super new to me. I've had a livejournal for a few years, and I do some blogging over on myspace, but with those I've always had the option to leave the personal stuff friends only. I felt safer divulging details of my day to day life, of talking about the people in my life. So please, bare with me while I struggle to find my voice and my own blogging rhythm here on blogger.

In an attempt to share a little more here, I'm going to dedicate today's post to my younger brother Dave. [Picture is of Dave and I goofing off on Easter Sunday before heading up to my grandmother's house. Click to enlarge!]

Dave and I haven't always been exceptionally close. In fact it wasn't up until last year that we really started acting more like friends then like brother and sister. Where we once barely even talked to each other, we now talk on a regular basis and are often there for each other when either one of us is upset. We also hang out on the weekends, inviting friends over for little get-togethers, or sometimes even going out and doing various things like going out for dinner or going to the movies.

Dave one day out of the blue earlier this year decided to join the Marines. At first I was shocked. It just never seemed like something he was interested in and there was never really any talk about it. I was also worried. I've had many friends who are in the armed forces, several of them going to Iraq, some in the first wave of troops sent over, a few later after it wasn't officially a war anymore. I never wanted to hear my brother talk about some of the things the guys I knew who came back from there went through. I didn't want to see him change the way I watched some of them change.

While I'm still worried about it (because let's face it, even if Iraq is over before he's ready to get shipped out somewhere, it's not like we'll never be at war again.), at the same time I have more respect for his decision and I even think it will be good for him. It will give him plenty of opportunities and direction that he doesn't have now.

Tonight is his going away party. Originally he was supposed to leave June 26th for bootcamp, but two weeks ago they pushed the date back even further to July 10th. We're still holding the party tonight, it's just easier than calling everyone and rescheduling.

I know it will be a lot of fun. Getting to hang out with all of our friends at once, playing drinking games, laughing and having a good time. But it's also bittersweet. Because it's also the beginning of the end. It's the start of our lives taking us in new directions, and while I know that we'll always be family, it's sad to lose that everyday relationship we now have. I'm going to miss coming home from work and just having him there, I'm going to miss sharing books with him, chatting about work, laughing at our inside jokes, heck, I'm even going to miss the stupid little fights we get into.

It hasn't really hit me yet. Things like this never hit me until the last minute. I know he's leaving, I know it's only a few weeks away, but it doesn't feel any different. I just hope it doesn't hit me later, mid party, turning me into a crying emotional wreck!